


To Cease Existence

by sansytheskeleton



Series: Grillster Trash Dump [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depressing, Depressing Thoughts, Drabble, GASTER PROBABLY FEELS THIS WAY, Sad, So yeah, Suicidal Thoughts, WITH THE WHOLE NOT WANTING TO EXIST THING, and sad, because i was like, i was having thoughts of wanting to die, kind of, no comfort, or you know, pls enjoy this piece of crap, so I wrote this, this is really short, to stop existing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9275060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansytheskeleton/pseuds/sansytheskeleton
Summary: Gaster isolates himself and does some bad things. After a slap in the face, he decides he is not worthy of living, or evenexisting,and decides to make a way to cease existence.





	

**Author's Note:**

> honestly the summary basically explains the entire drabble in less words  
> but hey if you wanna read it in slightly more words and probably more shitty
> 
> feel free
> 
> enjoy!

He nearly cried in hysterics.

Gaster has been working on something for a very, very long time; a way to kill himself without actually killing himself.

For years upon years he's tried to break the barrier; tried to save everyone. He tried to free everyone. He _tried so hard!_

But everything he did was a failure. Every attempt, every close call; it all failed. He couldn't free anyone. He couldn't do this.

Along with the guilt of the entire underground on his hands, there was Grillby.

Grillby; the fire elemental.

Grillby; the one who owns a bar.

Grillby; the one who was his best friend.

That was, until he fucked everything up.

He became so wrapped up in trying to free the underground that he began to isolate himself; he barely kept in contact with Grillby for a long time, and when they would talk, he would be mean and snippy.

Sure, Gaster had always been analytical; but he'd never been outright mean to his best friend.

Gaster didn't realize his actions until it was too late.

Grillby doesn't get heated up easily, which is saying something, and Gaster knew he'd crossed a line the second Grillby began to raise his voice.

Grillby cut him off with a sharp, demanding word one day. "Stop," He had said, glaring at Gaster. Gaster immediately stopped speaking (he had been spewing shit about work and how he doesn't have the time to be hanging out; he had to free the underground!), whirling around to face Grillby. For a face made of fire, it was remarkable that Gaster could see his death glare and something of a frown being shot his way.

Gaster would have gulped if he had a throat. Instead, he loosened his collar a bit, fidgeting slightly as he watched his best friend.

And then Grillby went off on him.

Of course, with minimal words; Grillby wasn't much of a talker.

The amount that he spat really showed how angry he was at Gaster.

He made him aware of his actions; about how mean he had been, how he's been so focused on his work he barely talks to him anymore. His unreachable goal to free the monsters from the underground. How he was being irrational by freaking out about it and that it has been driving him mad.

Grillby made it clear how mad he was with his short, clipped words; he made it clear that he no longer wanted to be friends (somewhere in there he mentioned 'unless he can change', but Gaster was so deep in his self-loathing for himself that he didn't even register it).

Now, it's been about a year since that fight. Gaster hasn't gone to see Grillby since.

He missed him. Truly, he did. But he knew better than to go crawling back; he figured he was an unforgivable creature, and didn't deserve to even see his best friend again.

So, instead, he completely isolated himself from everyone this time. He fired his assistants; said he no longer needed them.

The only person he ever would see or talk to was the king; only because he had to. Even then, it was brief.

He lied to the king. He told him he was still working on finding a way out of the underground; this way, he could still have the title of Royal Scientist and still get access to many things he may need.

The king never asked him what he was doing, anyway; it's not like he would know a thing Gaster was talking about.

So, while Gaster was lying to Asgore, he spent the last year gathering the parts he would need to create something that could erase an existence.

Honestly, he could have just killed himself - but that's not really what he wanted, is it?

He didn't want to deal with _dying._ He didn't want someone to have to clean up his mess (dust), and he didn't want people to mourn him. He didn't want Grillby to potentially feel bad - even though he probably wouldn't. He'd probably be happy Gaster was finally dead. Right?

Either way.

Gaster wanted to cease existence. He wanted nobody to be burdened with the memory of him and anything to do with him.

He wanted Grillby to find better friends. He wanted Grillby to not have to remember how horrible he was; to remember him at all. That way, it would no longer burden him.

If he stopped existing, the weight of freeing the underground would quite literally disappear from his shoulders. No one would remember his work; no one would remember a thing! 

It was the perfect plan.

This is what led him to where he was now.

Crying and laughing hysterically in this place, all by himself. 

He thinks he's finally done it.

He thinks he's finally finished.

Giddy with anticipation, Gaster rose from the floor where he had been in hysterics.

He had been working on this for a year! Honestly, it wasn't that long; but all the previous years of work helped him a lot. He just had to tweak some things to fit his new plan, but other than that... there wasn't much else to do besides perfecting the machine so he knew he would cease to exist.

On shaky legs, Gaster walked over to the railing before the monstrosity that was the core.

He was still laughing maniacally as he leaned over, a sense of belonging filling him as he thought about falling over.

Finally.

After all the tests, all the attempts... he's finally done it.

He will finally cease to exist.

"I'm sorry Grillby... I hope this makes up for my cruelness," Gaster muttered to himself as he leaned dangerously forward over the railing.

He hung on for just a few moments longer so he could dedicate his last words to Grillby; his best friend. The man he loved.

"I... I hope you have a good life.. without me. I hope this... makes things better," Gaster was no longer laughing or crying hysterically - he was simply crying.

"Goodbye forever, Grillby... you meant the _world_ to me," Gaster finished.

Closing his eye sockets, he finally let go of the railing and let himself fall over, tumbling down into the core.

Everything went dark.

**Author's Note:**

> heeey so i hope you enjoyed that random little drabble i just quickly wrote!  
> sorry for any mistakes - it's midnight and i have school in the morning. i just couldn't resist writing this little thing.
> 
> it was inspired by me feeling like death and then finding an article about someone saying theyre not necessarily suicidal, but would just like to cease existing.
> 
> so yeah! then this was born.
> 
> i hope you maybe enjoyed? im sorry again if it's choppy or anything.
> 
> i know it's rather short as well. 
> 
> maybe one day i'll rewrite this and make it longer and better with more feels?
> 
> who knows.
> 
> comments are much appreciated. have a good day or night or whatever time it is for you!


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